Starting as a little child, I saw things differently than most people. As a comedian I started out seeing the simple BS in everything. At first it was obvious things, like advertising, school lunches, crappy tv shows, etc. As time moved on, I trained myself to use my BS meter over and over and over again.
Right now, like most of us, my BS meter is on Hyper Sensitive. I almost think everything happening is bull shit, on both ends of the spectrum. When a person says hi to another person, they have to add a bunch of bull shit. ”How is your kid doing?” “Did you get that job you wanted?” (Imagine when I say those things that I have might head slightly tilted and my voice is high in a condescending middle aged woman kind of way.) I hate this one. ”The weather was really nice yesterday!” I just want to yell, “Oh really? Was it? I will get into my time machine and check it out.”
For years I didn’t notice the bull shit I was entangled into myself. At first it started with almost anything that I was worried about. Anything I am stressing about is bull shit. You know how I know? Because it ends up resolving itself. I lose a girl? I get another one. I bomb on stage? I write better jokes. I lose an agent? I work my ass off and become more valuable. This stuff takes care of itself.
I started seeing that the things I was stressing about is bull shit. I could identify that I was under an illusion almost anytime I stress. People often argue with this. They say, “You need to stress because it gets you motivated to fix the problem.” I agree with this, however the bigger problem is that you think that what you had was a problem.
What you had is an opportunity to see what you were really made of, and you blew it, by fixing the problem. You stayed in the pond and became the best in the pond. I am talking about leaving the pond. When you have a “problem” you have two ways to fix it. You can literally fix the problem, or change your perception and prove to yourself that your problem was an illusion.
If I am playing Monopoly, I literally watch my mood go up and down based on how much Monopoly money I have. My actual cholesterol levels were partially decided on how much pink money I have. I have two choices, I can get as much money as possible, and I will be happy, or I can quit the game and I will be free.
I believe we have been trained into a bigger illusion that is equally as meaningless as the board game, just because the color of the money is green. Old people told you it was real when you were a kid. You believe it. It might be real, but most people think it’s their god. Their literal happiness is based on how much money they have. To me, this is insanity. True insanity.
Does that mean people should not be able to make as much as they want? NO. That is not what I am saying. I am saying that if your happiness is based on how much you have, or really anything outside of you….. Your sports team won, your stocks went up, you got the girl, IF your happiness is based on this, you will be a slave to that your whole life. You are setting yourself up to be depressed when those things fade.
As I became aware of this, I started working at seminars with people I thought for sure were the same. I thought this because they said they were. These people completely agreed with my thoughts and I was excited to hang with them. It wasn’t long before I noticed 80 percent of them were also full of shit.
They claimed to believe this, however they would manipulate right in front of me. They would lie to sell products. They would say BS things like “I only have ten left!” when they didn’t. or they would say usually this is 10,995 but today only it is 4,997. Seriously? Are you going to claim that people are unlimited and then manipulate a sale? How about you just becoming so good that people can make their own decisions and might buy because you have something that will help their value, not because they are scared shitless and only have a few minutes to decide.
The comedian in me, the person who is seeking that authenticity is sad when I witness this. So I am now calling out both sides. Almost all of you are full of shit. The things you are worrying about are bull shit. Your problems are opportunities to see things in a new way, leave, or grow. You don’t have to bring your own resistance because you think that things should have been done a different way.
At the same time, people who claim everything is perfect and then try to trick people, you are absolutely full of bull shit. You might want to take your own course and stop reposting Gandhi quotes. There is a big ass difference between you and Gandhi. He did the work and affected the world heavily. He listened to his core and not his emotions. He moved from love and not fear. He proved patience, change and power are within. You are not doing this. But here is the truth, you have the potential to.
At any point all of us can let go of our stories, because they are also bull shit. Your story about how you were cheated on, or how someone screwed you over is also bull shit. It happened in the past and you are here, safe in this moment, re-bringing it up. At one point, you are going to have to ask yourself. ”Do I want sympathy? Or do I want to change this.” If you want sympathy, I can sit here like a moron and watch you cry. I can stand here with advice and keep my mouth shut. Or I can tell you to quit wasting every second of your life with a story that happened once for 20 minutes, seven years ago. BTW, You holding onto that story? That’s also bull shit and it’s a waste of all of our time.
Here is the good news. If all of this is bull shit, what is left? If EVERYTHING outside of you is bull shit, it doesn’t matter if you get that job, become number one, find the person of your dreams, etc, what is left? Religion will tell you it’s god. I understand that, but if you mean a judgmental man who is mad at me when I have sex before I am married, I know this is bull shit too. Same with any controlling cult, or any other thing that tells you that your abilities are outside of you. You know what else is? People that rip apart things without researching them.
What really is left is amazing. I can’t tell you what it is. I can only know what I have discovered for myself, and that answer changes every second. That’s another thing, if I have discovered something official that I believe is the truth, I know it is not the truth. Because the truth changes every second. This is why I will always be contradicting myself proudly, for the rest of my life. No I won’t.